Knowing Remus Lupin
by sleeping-dragon96
Summary: The story of how Lily Evans finally told Remus Lupin she knew.


Lily Evans knew Remus Lupin.

She knew that he preferred tea over coffee, unless he was stressed in which case he'd drink at least seven cups of coffee in a single day. She knew he loved to eat bacon and would chow down on it every breakfast. She knew that every time he returned from the hospital wing or visiting his sick mother, he would only play with his food; pushing it around his plate until his friends determined it was time to get to class. His best subject was Muggle Studies although he preferred Defence Against the Dark Arts. She knew that he hated transfiguration and she also knew that he always did well in it without trying. She knew that Remus Lupin was always polite, always friendly and always liked but he never aimed more than that. She knew he liked being liked but didn't care if people felt anything more than that. She knew that he was a brilliant flirt and she knew from the way his eyes would flick around the room that he wasn't fully interested in it.

Lily Evans knew Remus Lupin better than most; she just didn't know how to tell him that.

During patrols, she'd try her best to hint at it.

"So are you going to be visiting your mother any time soon?" Remus and Lily were close friends. They had been friends since the first day at Hogwarts when they both reached for the last Yorkshire pudding. When they were announced as prefects, no one was surprised and no one assumed anything than the two of them becoming even closer. Lily Evans would share chocolate with him in between classes. Remus Lupin would throw an arm over her shoulder whenever he stood next to her. Lily Evans would chase him down the hallway after library visits, trying to steal her back pack back. Remus Lupin would make her blush in classes and cause her to giggle during dinners. Lily Evans would kiss his cheek and tell everyone how adorable he was. Remus Lupin would roll his eyes and smile at her brightly.

Everyone was jealous. It was impossible to become that close to Remus Lupin, some days the marauders even second guessed their friendship with him. It was impossible to get Lily Evans to be so physical, some days even her boyfriend (whoever it may be at the time) second guessed their relationship with her.

"It depends, she's getting better but you know," Remus shrugged to which Lily copied and the two of them continued their patrol.

When they sat together at lunch, Lily would try to hint at it again.

"You've got to decide," she began, watching Remus carefully as he ate his sandwich. "Vampire or werewolf?"

Remus continued to eat, not changing his pace as he did so. His face didn't shift, his body remained relaxed but his eyes, his eyes began to wonder away from just staring at his plate.

Lily Evans knew Remus Lupin. She knew she had made him wanting to be anywhere but in that conversation.

"Vampire for sure, a lot more badass sucking peoples' blood than howling at a moon," and then Remus asked her a similar question before changing the topic slyly.

But Lily Evans knew Remus Lupin was suspicious of her.

They went on though, Lily Evans stopping with her hints and Remus Lupin slowly began to stop looking at her with unease when he thought no one noticed. Lily noticed though, just like she noticed a certain pattern in when his mother fell suddenly ill.

By the middle of sixth year, Lily Evans couldn't handle it anymore. A whole year she had kept quiet, she couldn't stay silent anymore. They still held hands, they still kissed each other on the cheek, they still giggled and blushed and cared for each other until their hearts burst. The war outside was slowly changing them though. It was like they didn't have time to not be together. They weren't romantically interested in one another, that definitely was not it but they were best friends who didn't know if they would survive a year outside of Hogwarts. Lily Evans was also beginning to take notice of a changing James Potter but that was beside the point entirely.

Somewhere along the line, it had become a thing that after a patrol if one of the pair decided they wanted to spend more time alone they'd walk away from the common room and towards the outdoors. The other had to follow; it was Remus and Lily Law. Sometimes they'd walk along the lake, other nights by the edge of the Forbidden Forest, others they just found a place under a tree and just talk.

This particular night, Lily and Remus found themselves underneath a tree. Lily sat with her knees bent and resting on her forearms. Remus was next to her, his right arm wrapped around her left leg. It was comfortable, it was usual, it was simply platonic.

Lily couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know."

Remus didn't question to what Lily knew. Like Lily, he knew. He knew for a year that she knew, from the first time she began to question his excuses. He knew she knew, he was simply hoping she wouldn't actually say it.

Lily watched Remus freeze and looking into his eyes she saw her best friend emotionally shut down. She had read about characters watching another character emotionally shut down, Lily had always thought it was an exaggeration. Now she knew. It was no exaggeration. Everything left his face; it was left a clear canvas.

"You can stop pretending to be my friend now."

"Remus?"

"If you want to insult me, want to know how much of a vile creature I am, don't worry I already know."

"Remus!"

Lily tried to wrap her arms around Remus, and the boy who had always welcomed her contact pushed her away. Lily was trying to remember if Remus had ever rejected her and yet she couldn't. Every hug, every hand hold, every touch, every kiss; he had accepted and even reciprocated; she couldn't understand what was happening.

Remus knew Lily and yet he didn't know that she didn't care about his condition? How could Lily Evans not want to be friends with Remus Lupin? How could Lily Evans want to hurt Remus Lupin?

"Go on, leave. You deserve a better friend than a freak like me."

Lily could've cried. How many times had he called himself a freak? How many times had she called herself a freak?

Before Remus could push her off again and before Lily could even think about what she was doing; she jumped him. Pushing him to the ground, she found herself hovering over him. Everything within close proximity she kissed. His eyes, his forehead, his hair, his nose, his cheek, his neck, his collarbones; everything but his lips because they were close but they were never going to be close enough for that.

She knew he was still trying to push her away but she refused. Continuing to kiss everything to try and show how much she loved him.

Eventually he stopped and she felt his frozen body melt beneath her. Remus' arms wrapped around her, pulling her down so that their bodies were pressed together, pulling her down so she was unable to shower him in love anymore.

It was then that Remus began to cry. It was then that Lily began to cry. The two of them lay together for what felt like hours, crying together. One crying because how could the other think himself so badly that his best friend would turn away from him. The other crying because how did he find himself so lucky to find yet another best friend who wouldn't turn away from him.

Lily Evans knew Remus Lupin.

She knew he liked his coffee milked down but his tea so strong its bitterness would turn people away. She knew he loved breakfast but he couldn't always stomach it with horrors of the night before playing out in his mind. She knew he loved school with his whole heart and although wouldn't tell anyone, wished he could one day be a teacher.. She knew he liked people but he didn't trust anyone and she knew he still struggled with trusting his own best friends.

Lily Evans knew Remus Lupin and walking back to the castle just as the sun was rising, she knew she would never find a better friend than him.


End file.
